Parents vs YouTube - why you shouldnt choose fear and control

 I see so many posts about parental fear of YouTube. 

For me YouTube offers an opportunity to 

teach my child about discernment. It’s better to meet my child’s needs head on when the opportunity comes up. Rather than leave it until an undisclosed future time when it could be too late.

Control is always based on fear and not healthy love. When we make choices through fear, we limit our children’s ability to discern what is good for them. By empowering our children, we teach them how to make good choices.

My son knows what he likes, my son doesn’t always understand what is good for him. This presents an opportunity for me to show him the difference between what is good for him and what is not, I base it all on his own actions and feelings. This way it is self-taught

When he copies inappropriate language of or does something inappropriate, I go through a conversation and actions with him something like the following:

I point out the impact that language/action is having on himself and the people around him. Did that hurt someone’s feelings? Was that good for them? Was it good for you? Where did you hear that? Ok let’s look at that person, is that someone you aspire to be? Ok why? Ok let’s see the life 

choices that person is making. Which are good? Which are bad? Which would you prefer were part of your life? Ok then is it a good idea to copy the good stuff or the bad? How does this all make you feel? Ok great, so when you have this feeling in the future you know you are making a good/bad choice. Then I remind him the choice is his.

I want him to stop and think. 7-year-olds can be mindless at times! I want him to make the right decision and he often does but not always and not always straight away. Some lessons take longer to learn than others and this requires a massive amount of patience from me. One of the many things being a parent has taught me is patience and courage! (I am still learning). I want him to learn to listen to the voice inside him, the one that wants what’s best for him.

Does he get angry with me? Yes, all the time

Does he challenge me? Yes!

Do we argue? Yes!

Is it difficult to manage emotionally? Yes!

Do I eventually get a cuddle? Yes!

For the most part, my son knows what is good for him. He just needs someone to make him stop and think about what his words and actions mean. Once he is given the opportunity to think it through, he always makes the right choice.

He knows what is good for him. Teaching my son to navigate difficult situations and trusting him to make good decisions is a life lesson (for both of us). I want him to build an internal framework 

that helps him make good decisions for the rest of his life. I started the moment he was born. I never treat him like a child, I treat him like a person.

He knows I love him. He knows I trust him. He knows I value his decision making. He is empowered and knows I am empowering him. I teach him that there is responsibility with power. 

I want him to understand his own power and how to manage it as a healthy part of who he is. I don’t want to limit or control him. I want him to master himself.

My final thoughts are these:

Don't let fear control your actions and limit growth

Don't delay the difficult conversations

Discernment is key to being happy for you and them

For me, it makes more sense to deal with my son’s antisocial behaviour whenever it arises.

Honestly and authentically. I always answer his questions honestly. I apologise when I am wrong and let him know when he is right. I have the opportunity now, while he still listens to me. The older he gets the less he will listen to me. I’d rather have difficult conversations now than when he is a teen. My son is super bright, empathic, caring and a natural leader.

I chose to teach him how to discern what is good for him and let him make his choices.