Safe spaces for children need to be uncomfortable too - open and supportive environments - where mess is welcome




Children dream of the life they want to live. Few are born with the knowledge and understanding readily available. Most have to recover from a state of amnesia. Being born often requires a state of not knowing. You are not born with all of the knowledge of your soul. Your physical mind has to develop. As it develops more knowledge becomes available but only if our environment is open and understanding.


For this to happen we need to be in environments that support being open and understanding of the process. The process of allowing, the process of wanting an attitude of support and acceptance. That being who you are is a good thing. An environment that created healthy boundaries that grow as the child grows. Just enough to support without oppression or suppression. An environment that encourages the healthy expression of self and teaches how to care for the negative aspects of self in a healthy constructive way.


Denying there are negative aspects of self through suppression eventually becomes oppression. The build-up inevitably leads to venting in uncontrollable and often undesirable ways. This leads to feelings of shame and guilt that are then also suppressed and the behaviour repeats because the underlying issues are not resolved. The cycle of shame has begun and if not treated throughout a lifetime distorts our perception of self creating a self-image filled with shame, regret and guilt. This blockade prevents us from actualising our true selves and we live in shame spirals. Resulting in unfulfilled lives.


The best way to combat this is to begin now, parents and children. Begin learning to listen to yourself. Learn to calm the mind and listen to thoughts. Learn to feel and understand emotions. Learn to slow down and listen to what your body wants and needs. We have a symbiotic relationship with our bodies, our emotions and our thoughts. If we treat each with love and kindness we nurture our whole being. This allows them for a spiritual relationship with our soul that is clear and based on trust.


How to build safe spaces for children


Let them express themselves, verbally, mentally, physically and emotionally

Give them consistently, flexible boundaries

Listen to opinions, give your advice, let them make their mind up

Let them make their own decisions on what they eat, wear, where they go or don't go, listen to, watch, learn and love (but provide guidelines)

Let them explore, meditation, grounding, video games, YouTube, singing, dancing or arguing.


It's not just about offering them safe comfortable things, experiences thoughts or emotions. It's more about guiding them through uncomfortable thoughts, emotions and experiences. If all we offer is safe spaces without the uncomfortable things in life, how will they learn to navigate the uncomfortable messy ness that life often is?


Choices are not supposed to be at the expense of everyone else in the family but a choice that works with everyone else. If my son wants to miss swimming because he is tired then he doesn't need to go swimming. Missing it for one week at the age of 6 who t damage his Olympic chances but the rest will. Recovery is as important as the activity and if he is doing it because he is listening to his body then that is real progress.


There are many ways to create loving and supportive environments that empower children. The above are just a few examples. It's all dependent on the parent and how deep their listening and self-love have developed. You can only create what you know. This is why it is essential for parents to self-love. Authenticity and credibility with children only come when you practice what you preach. Children will copy conscious and unconscious behaviour. This is a truly amazing environment to create, authentically.

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